When Men Get to Melt Down and Women Have to Hold It Together

I’ve been watching Below Deck Mediterranean Season 2, and something hit me about the dynamic between Malia (the female deckhand) and the men she works with. Malia’s someone who def grew up in a not-so-mellow environment: five brothers, male-dominated career, nonstop pressure to prove herself. And she does prove herself, she’s confident, sharp, assertive, and 100% capable. But something feels off.

There’s this tightness to her on the show — like she’s always controlling the temperature of her emotions, always performing calm. She’s strong, but not in a relaxed or grounded way. More like strong with a capital “S,” because she doesn’t feel like she has permission to be anything else.

And I get why. It’s TV for one. And also In a job like that, especially around cameras and ego-heavy men, showing any sign of vulnerability can be used against you. So Malia shows up polished, composed, and maybe a little sterile at times. She keeps her edges clean, no softness, no visible insecurity, no “off” moments. It’s not inauthentic exactly. It’s just… edited.

But here’s the double standard: while she’s walking around with this iron grip on her image, the men around her are losing their minds left and right.

Take Bobby, for example. He’s like our scintillating but naughty brother. He throws fits like a toddler denied candy. He lashes out, sulks, explodes in rage — and somehow still gets framed as a lovable hothead. Then there’s Adam the cook, who literally goes to war over onions. He’s moody, petty, and vindictive. But no one says he’s “unstable” — they just act like he’s a passionate chef.

How is it that in a male-dominated industry, the men are the ones melting down emotionally while the women are the ones expected to keep it all together?

That’s the part that gets me. Malia’s effort to stay controlled, and maybe even suppress parts of herself, makes sense in this environment. She doesn’t want to be seen as weak, emotional, dramatic, etc, etc. Because if she did what the guys do on a daily basis? She’d be dismissed in two seconds flat.

So yeah, maybe she’s hiding her vulnerability. But she’s also doing what women have had to do in all kinds of male-heavy workplaces: stay flawless, or pay the price.

Meanwhile, the men are allowed to be sensitive, egotistical, reactive — full-blown emotional messes, and somehow, it doesn’t cost them their authority or respect.

That’s the real imbalance. It’s not that women are more emotional, it’s that men are allowed to be. Women have to rehearse their every move, hold in every tear, and walk on eggshells just to stay in the game.

Malia’s got her armor on. Maybe off-camera, or outside of work, she’s more relaxed, more balanced, more open. I hope so. But on deck? You can tell she’s not just steering the boat — she’s steering herself. Carefully. Constantly.

And honestly, that says more about the system than it does about her.