Mailbag: What are you? No, seriously…

February 13th, 2020

Dear Saharah:
Since you’re such a unique personality in Femdom, I was wondering how you identify yourself when talking about what you do to others who aren’t familiar with fetish or D/s. Would you call yourself a dominatrix, a prodomme, a Mistress or something else? I sometimes feel none of these ideas really hit you square on.

Respectfully, Kevin

Dear Kevin,

This is really a great question. I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to expound a little more about this subject, and you’ve provided one.

Truthfully, I don’t see myself as fitting into any of those categories. For starters, I don’t top men for money as a professional dominatrix does.

Don’t get me wrong—I don’t have a problem with that at all.

Plenty of Women are doing just that and making a reasonable dime off it  but being paid by a “client” for fantasy fulfillment is just not something I find appealing for a number of reasons.

“Dominatrix” just seems a bit dated and campy, not to mention too thigh-high and officer hat for me. I like “Mistress”, but again, popular consumption of the word just leaves me divorced from using it seriously in public.

Female-Led Keeper, on the other hand, feels good to me personally, because all it really implies is that I tend to be the decision maker one in my interpersonal relations.

It doesn’t mean I’m a top service provider, a prostitute for hire, someone’s extramarital interest in kinky friend between the sheets.

It rings with an authorative “pack animal” status to me, so that’s why I tend to embrace it the most. For this reason, “Dominant Woman” would equally suffice.

I’d just like to add that though labels can be very helpful, we should never just see dominant Women (or submissive men, for that matter) as strictly one-dimensional beings, summed up perfectly in whatever moniker you (or they) choose.

Labels are essential in communicating ideas and information, but they are just a starting point in referencing an aspect of personality or status.  Lets not ever forget the human behind them.

All text in this post © 2010

Mail bag: Are submissive men losers?

September 26th, 2019

Dear Saharah,

We spoke awhile back and I was a member of your site for a while. Have been into Female Supremacy for a long time and am in agreement with your very articulate opinions.

For highly complex reasons, humiliation is a sexual turn on for me. Am struggling with whether it is possible to be submissive and at the same time not be a “loser”.   Are the men you are having eat out of dog dishes and engaging in masturbation contests losers?

Dear Tim,

Obviously, I can’t speak for all dominant Females, but I will say this is a very common idea produced from very common thinking.

I just recently had to address this misconception with an admirer who assumed those who serve Me are weak and pathetic.  Slavery—true slavery, true sacrifice, by will alone—isn’t sought by the weak.

Those men who seek to serve are courageous and passionate men who place themselves under My heel to be crushed and molded. They give themselves up, along with their male ego, to be humiliated, debased, used and exploited.

Let’s see your average garden variety tough guy on the football team suffer a day of that for a Woman.  This isn’t to say My slaves aren’t pathetic, groveling, weak and hopelessly obedient, loving puppets for Me (they definitely are!), but that is a far cry from being a capital L “loser” in general.

Why would I want a worthless and useless person who has nothing to offer?  What is there to be gained from that?

I want useful, passionate worshipers who believe in what I believe, not useless scum from the bottom of the barrel.

All text in this post © 2010


August 9th, 2009

Dear Saharah:
Why do we like being humiliated? Why is it ok to be degraded by words like “loser” and “worthless” in a scene, but not so good outside of one?

I’ve always found the concept of “humiliation” a bit of a mental tavern puzzle when you get into the nuts and bolts philosophy and psychology of D/s, and I’ve been meaning to share My further thoughts on this subject.   First, I should note two things:
1. Though they can be related, I think there is a difference between “degradation” and “humiliation”.  They may seem synonymous, but I don’t feel they really are.
2. The humiliation and degradation I speak of falls within the realm of lifestyle choice only; it is encapsulated in context of a relationship of some form.
Personally, I prefer degradation over humiliation, perhaps because one is fulfilled by the submissive side of the dynamic by being degraded in a fairly straight forward sense that I can measure more clearly. They are made to be “lower”—to be brought down, to be reminded of station.  From My experience, I find men who value degradation have a need to go beyond the theatrics of just being embarrassed or mocked.
There are many reasons why men fetishize consensual humiliation and degradation in or outside of actual slavery;  both often heighten a man’s feelings and makes him feel connected to the Woman through Her attention and intimacy.  For some men who enjoy transient “scenes”,  their love of humiliation/degradation can be for temporary self-debasement and ego knock-down.   Whatever the recipe or dynamic may be, there is a psychological excitement involved, but the individual is in reality secure to let himself go in a relatively safe environment.
Either way, humiliation, degradation and all the nuances in between are acceptable as they are expressions of some form of intimacy; your desire and feelings for the Woman and the bond it creates—even if transient—gives you internal permission to allow it to happen.  This is a far cry from allowing the entire world permission to degrade and humiliate you.  As I wrote in this post, I like to know My males are pathetic for Me, not pathetic males in general.

All text in this post © 2010