Mailbag: What are you? No, seriously…

February 13th, 2020

Dear Saharah:
Since you’re such a unique personality in Femdom, I was wondering how you identify yourself when talking about what you do to others who aren’t familiar with fetish or D/s. Would you call yourself a dominatrix, a prodomme, a Mistress or something else? I sometimes feel none of these ideas really hit you square on.

Respectfully, Kevin

Dear Kevin,

This is really a great question. I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to expound a little more about this subject, and you’ve provided one.

Truthfully, I don’t see myself as fitting into any of those categories. For starters, I don’t top men for money as a professional dominatrix does.

Don’t get me wrong—I don’t have a problem with that at all.

Plenty of Women are doing just that and making a reasonable dime off it  but being paid by a “client” for fantasy fulfillment is just not something I find appealing for a number of reasons.

“Dominatrix” just seems a bit dated and campy, not to mention too thigh-high and officer hat for me. I like “Mistress”, but again, popular consumption of the word just leaves me divorced from using it seriously in public.

Female-Led Keeper, on the other hand, feels good to me personally, because all it really implies is that I tend to be the decision maker one in my interpersonal relations.

It doesn’t mean I’m a top service provider, a prostitute for hire, someone’s extramarital interest in kinky friend between the sheets.

It rings with an authorative “pack animal” status to me, so that’s why I tend to embrace it the most. For this reason, “Dominant Woman” would equally suffice.

I’d just like to add that though labels can be very helpful, we should never just see dominant Women (or submissive men, for that matter) as strictly one-dimensional beings, summed up perfectly in whatever moniker you (or they) choose.

Labels are essential in communicating ideas and information, but they are just a starting point in referencing an aspect of personality or status.  Lets not ever forget the human behind them.

All text in this post © 2010

Refuting Misogynist Rhetoric

November 9th, 2011

It probably isn’t too hard to see that we live in very interesting times for both sexes. At no point before in history has a resounding affirmation for the continued liberation of Women across the world been heard, and at no time in history has the excellen

From college campuses to the halls of congress, Women are proving in exponential numbers that they are just as capable as men, and then some.

You may also know of an (arguably) developing trend in our contemporary age around a new Female archetype that is decidedly alpha, and Women aren’t the only ones on board with it; many men find themselves enthusiastic supporters, not only of Female equity with men, but of a new generation of modern Women who prefer Female led relationships, where the male is beta.

Along with this has come the increasing sentiment that Females are not only equal to males, but in many ways superior to them. Research continues to find that from many key perspectives, the Female is biologically superior to the male.

Overall, social statistics clearly shows the problems males present to society in the form of violent crime, sexual assault and domestic abuse. The presence of Female students in universities continues to rise while male participation stresses to keep up.

In politics, media and business, the value of the Feminine touch is increasingly sought after.

Then of course there are people like myself, who outwardly advocate Female Supremacism, and suggest living Female-led relationships without apology or pretense.

I’m certainly not unique. Others have come before me, with similar refutations of male hegemony and the advocacy of Female dominance in relationships.

Such sentiments aren’t appreciated by all, however.

There are some men in the world who feel exactly the opposite; they are threatened by the growing wave of Female empowerment and advocacy.

They seek to overthrow it in whatever way they can through sociopolitical disinformation campaigns.

Below are some of the more typical gimmicks employed to this end. Learn to identify disinformation tactics and their typical authors, for the first step in proper retaliation is identifying your target.

The man masquerading as Woman

The internet is of course an uncertain place, and one never knows who one is really dealing with online.

This is generally not of much consequence if an argument is sound; thoughts are, after all, thoughts, regardless of the dubious nature of the poster, but there comes a time when sexist rhetoric is often better pawned off through the object of that sexism itself, so as to give the illusion of legitimacy and acceptance by its very victims.

Men have often found it more beneficial to play the part of a Woman bemoaning the evils of so-called “Feminism”, or advocating (albeit gently) the virtue of misogyny.

Beware of supposed “Women” who have made it their mission to modestly denounce Female Supremacy or encourage the sexist degradation of Women and Girls; chances are you’re likely dealing with a bitter man who has too much time on his hands. Well, on one hand, in the very least.

The pro-male propagandist

Some men enjoy building blogs and/or websites that drone on endlessly about the evils of Feminism AND Female Supremacy, all under the precept that their rants are based on objective observation.

Fair enough. We all have a right to our opinions and what we have gleaned from our experiences, but when common sense is blurred and logical argumentation meanders into willful propaganda and hate mongering, their agendas are obvious.

Some are downright brilliant in their writing, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that their “objective criticisms”, are anything but. Be wary of men who make Feminism—a sociopolitical movement to achieve civil equality with men—synonymous with Female Supremacy.

The two are distinctly separate philosophies and separate phenomena, but it’s understandable the benefit they get by lumping the two together; making Feminism a doctrine of supremacy for the Female incites anger and creates the perfect bogeywoman to rail against.

The arguing ostrich
There are some men who will openly request evidence of Female superiority, often with the requirement of “scientific metrics” and “peer-reviewed papers”.

When they receive accredited resources that support, for instance, Female biological or social/behavioral advantages over males, they lazily refute them, all the while failing to answer with any countering citations of their own.

Instead they may suddenly shift to more obscure methods of argumentation, like “philosophy”, despite it was they who originally wanted hard evidence, hard metrics, books, etc.

With such gross intellectual irresponsibility, such a person is usually not all that effective in argument, but if his rhetoric is crafted cleverly enough, the ignorance he peddles can become partially convincing to misinformed readers.

Do the research. Get the facts, and determine for yourself where you stand. Don’t allow a propagandist crank’s “take” on science, history, politics or sociology to become yours just because it’s easy to read and agree with, or because it’s politically safe.

The “femdom” Female Supremacist

There are men who worship and adore Women physically, mentally and spiritually, and so doing, serve as their slaves, and then there are men who centralize it strictly around their shallow hormonal drives.

Fixated hopelessly upon their kinks, cross dressing, erotic obsessions and self drama, these men make the worship of Women little more than a vehicle for what it is they truly worship: their erections.

The greedy and self-centered erotic fantasies of males serve as a poor substitutes for representing the spirit of true Female worship and Female Supremacy, turning the idea into little more than kinky fun.

Don’t let the leather, strap-on and sissy caricatures produced by and made for men stand in place of higher intellectual exchange on the subject of Female Supremacism or the practice of it, more particularly.

The (patriarchal) mystic

Finally there are men (and Women) who fight for male dominion through religious propaganda of varying degrees, quoting chapters and verses to justify continuing a legacy of discrimination toward Women and the disproportional benefit of men.

Cross or crescent, Female Supremacy represents a threat, as it undermines patriarchal divinity and holds Women sacred, leading to the ideas of Goddesses, Matriarchal societies, etc.

Hiding behind religious rhetoric, they further the legacy of their male dominance and gentle misogyny by attempting to make strong, thinking and independent Women who use the power of their sexuality and Female intellect second only to the Devil himself.

It would be refreshing to see so many men (and even some Women) drop the gimmicks and intellectual facades so they can just come out with the truth: they don’t trust Female power and they don’t trust Females in power.

More to the point, seeing the Female as “the better sex” is incredibly alarming. They may be misogynists at heart, or slaves to the status quo of political correctness between the sexes. I, on the other hand, mince no words about My biased beliefs—I admit am a Female Supremacist, and I further admit that I’m convinced of the validity of My viewpoints about the sexes.

I have challenged men to produce evidence that My arguments for exalting the Female Sex are unsound.

Thus far, I have been unimpressed by the counter-evidence, scientific or philosophical, they bring to the table.

Further reading:
Females Are Mosaics: X Inactivation and Sex Differences in Disease
The X in Sex: How the X Chromosome Controls Our Lives
The Natural Superiority Of Women
No Safe Haven: Male Violence Against Women at Home, at Work, and in the Community

The Legacy of Shaming The Sexually Vibrant Woman

September 26th, 2011

“Yeah, she’s a slut.”
When you read that, who do you imagine saying it? How do you imagine them saying it? One might very well think of a man speaking furtively to another with a half-grin. Then again, one might think of two Women engaging in a little indirect character assassination while an attractive lady in heels which are a little too high and lipstick that’s a little too red passes by. Men seem perpetually in conflict over their desires: they crave the wanton slut secretly, but shun her when it’s socially obligated of them. Some of the most prudish Women have at least one skirt that’s decidedly a little too short among their vestments, and like men, secretly keep a little corner in their minds for the mysterious coquette or vampy femme fatale. That won’t keep her from belittling a nubile beauty who liberally embodies this image, however. It’s peculiar how Women will undermine the sexual power of other Women in gossip with the same tone they’d have in discussing the latest shade of violet that’s in fashion. On some level, we love to hate the slut, yet on another level, we’ll burn her at the stake when it’s necessary—or consume her hungrily. It’s all so very twisted.
What is it about the sexually liberated Woman that entices, yet scares people so much? Obviously, the power of sex is strong—perhaps the strongest force in humans, and in so being, one of the strongest forces on Earth. Since time out of mind, the vivacious and sensually powerful Woman has been sought through the compulsions of natural desires, and yet, one who has any understanding of the human world and the way it has operated for so long one will concede to the reality that humans are also at war with this power.
Consider, if you will, the major religions of the world in a brief walk through history. At one time, early in the evolution of primitive hunter-gatherer societies, the human animal inevitably realized its own finite nature, and Female life-giving power was (most likely) considered a divine mystery. Whether true Matriarchal societies existed seems to have little evidence, though Goddess statues, or what appears to be homages to Female power, still survive from this early time in human history—as far back as 30,000 BCE. We know the neopagan practice of Wicca, for instance, draws its roots from European Pagan beliefs in a fertility Goddess and a horned God who was her helpmate. The nubile Maiden represented youth and sexuality, the Mother symbolized the Female power of creation, and the old Woman was the symbol of wisdom and our return to the Earth. Indeed, people at one time did honor the Female sex. How these cultures lived and to what extent they flourished remains argued by historians, but we can conclude without much difficulty that as patriarchal influence began to grow and spread (Judaism, Christianity and Islam), the principle of Female power was gradually and purposefully demystified, thus removed from religious observation and practice for all but a select minority of surviving practices. Indeed, the concept of the male deity had risen and put a stranglehold on the world, bringing war and oppression. Women were thought of as possessions of their fathers, and not allowed to speak in churches or partake in any sacred rites past marriage to men, which was often not entirely up to them.
The patriarchal nature of these societies didn’t wish to recognize inherent Female sexual power. In fact, they sought to suppress it and remove it from any consideration whatsoever. The lunacy and depth to which male-dominated spiritualism went was pervasive, and is perhaps best evidenced by the predication of Christianity on a “Virgin Mother.” Preposterous! Certainly, the act of sex was considered “impure,” as it is, mysteriously, in many spiritual practices and disciplines in which men are the majority.
Obviously, this created, culture-wide, a deeply set distaste of and fear over Female sexuality, which lingers on to this day, not only in the far reaches of the Middle East, but in so-called “liberated” Western societies that proudly embrace Feminism. “Slut shaming,” as it has come to be known, continues with zeal and cruel aplomb. It’s a mistake to think the men are the only ones behind this, however. Ironically, sometimes it’s  Women who maintain these stigmas just as well—even at their own disadvantage and exploitation. This is the terribly tragic state of Females today: while we have made great strides in freeing ourselves from the many tentacles of male-defined organized religion and it precepts, and while organized religion itself is slowly degrading due to increasing intellectual and ethical freedom, we are still, culturally, at war with its subversive influences to Female empowerment, and the most undermining vestige that remains is disabusing men, and particularly Women, of this veiled hatred for the Female sex.
Why do we tear at and belittle each other, Sisters? Why do we keep the legacy of sexual dysfunction and Female oppression alive by engaging in misogyny ourselves? I have had plenty to say about men; anyone who has read Me for some time now knows this, but now, Sisters, I’m talking to YOU. What do you do to defray the evil of patriarchal legacy? What do you personally do to fight against these exploitative and oppressive powers within Christian or Islamic faith? How are you helping the world to practice spiritualism in a healthy way, devoid of the legacy of institutionalized self-loathing for Women and Girls? Do you resist chauvinism, or are you little more than a puppet keeping your own sex in place, and in so doing, maximizing the influence of patriarchy?
Do you celebrate Female sexual power, or are you in some way ashamed of it? Have you been taught to fear it? Do you allow other men to make you fear it? Do you cover up? Do you remind yourself to act “proper” or “appropriate” in the company of general society? Do you find sexualizing yourself is morally bad?
I ask these questions not to suggest Women go about in only heels and lip gloss (though that would certainly be interesting!), but to nudge Women to bear witness to their own sexual “guilt” deep within them. Who taught you about such things as “original sin?” Even if you’re an atheist, can you honestly and convincingly say, upon reflection, that there aren’t any of these silly ideas still hiding out in your subconscious mind or behavior?
Female sexuality and its power
That Women hold immense sexual power is, of course, not a new revelation; it is in fact quite an old one, as demonstrated historically and in present day. Women have fought for social equality, equal rights in the workplace, equal education, equal pay and equal intellectual respect, but their sexuality still remains oppressed, defined, and stigmatized by the uptight conservatism and prudishness of what are now today vestiges of a once vastly malignant patriarchal control which sought to limit and mute the power and influence of the Female sex. Why should we hold back this power today? There are no compelling reasons.
I encourage all Women, particularly the younger, to find their sexual power and channel it for their own personal gain, freedom, and power. If you’re a Woman who happens to be reading this, please pass this appeal on: Dress how you want and look how you want.  Celebrate your sensuality.  Tantalize, charm, seduce and control with the invisible leash that is your sex.  Adorn your body with decorative jewels of gold and silver, though your body in its raw form is the real Temple. Shape your body to be healthy, strong and devilishly irresistible. Accentuate and beguile as you see fit. Do all of this, but don’t for a moment question your natural animal charms, nor glorify yourself for the approval of men; do it to be their conqueror, for even without the adornments, the power of the Female sex cannot be denied. You are no longer dependent upon men to survive, thanks widely to the efforts of your own sex. Be proud of that. Once released from the mental prison men have managed to build around you over so many centuries, you’ll find the male of the species is as pliable as putty in your hands (this is what their ancestors feared). Celebrate your sexual self and your body’s carnal pleasures; reclaim the gift of what it means to be Female from the clutches of misogyny and crumbling institutions of “moral control.” If a man can be celebrated for his sexual vitality, why shouldn’t we, and even more so?
Why is “slut” such a dirty word? Because males, quite simply, fear us on some level. And why shouldn’t they? Men are powerfully motivated by their hormonal urges; if we Females abdicate being the pawns of religious manipulation, if we destroy the false morality that eats us from within and reclaim our ability to play those base male urges to our hearts’ content, we will effectively conquer and collar the beast that has ruled through oppression and fear once and for all. Smart men have no trouble surrendering to a Woman’s sensual influences and allowing those natural influences to enslave them. They are happy to be Our slaves and we certainly are happy they are, too. Smart men cherish sluts, because the slut is free. She is liberated and she can’t be shamed into conformity.  Like a wine connoisseur, she samples the pleasures life has to offer, knowing She is the ultimate source of pleasure itself. Why should the source of all life and pleasure not seek to please itself? Why should it not consume its acolytes if it so chooses?

100 Most Powerful Women

October 14th, 2010
They are heads of state and first ladies, bankers and cultural icons, CEOs and entrepreneurial athletes. A fresh look at power and creative influence.

All text in this post © 2011