Misunderstood: The Unconventional World of Autogynephiles

June 23rd, 2018

When our sexual tastes aren’t perfectly aligned with what society allows us to enjoy, the bar of difficulty in finding someone to love, and one that will be receptive to that love, rises substantially higher. There are some men who, despite their sexual orientations, enjoy imitating Women, and this act of transformation is self-arousing. Men with this form of cross-dressing fetish engage in what is called “autogynephilia,” and it’s one of the hardest things they endure in the attempt to be accepted in intimate relationships. Autogynephilia’s Greek translation is “love of oneself as a Woman,” and is a term coined in 1989 by Dr. Raymond Blanchard to refer to a man’s tendency to be sexually aroused by the image of himself as a Woman.

We live in a world that is widely sensational and ill-informed, and because of this, a great deal of ignorance exists regarding men with these preferences. The first (and perhaps most obvious) misconception is that such men must be homosexual.  The simple fact of a male finding arousal in seeing himself as a Female doesn’t necessarily mean he’s sexually oriented toward males: many are heterosexual and still desire a relationship with a Woman. Therein lies the rub: a man coming to terms with this reality often finds himself severely stereotyped. If he’s too open about it— there will likely be a price paid for that openness, and one that will, in all likelihood, be paid through distress, isolation, and depression. Because of this, he’ll usually retreat into the security of conventional relationships and sanctioned sexual expressions allotted to his sex, or the auspices of these things, in the very least. He’ll marry a Woman and secret away his underlying urges under the naive yet prevailing logic that he can hide it all. But as Phillip K. Dick once wrote, Reality denied comes back to haunt. What is pushed underground eventually finds its way up into in the picturesque world of normalcy, slowly infecting its waters with angst and frustration. Perhaps a man in this situation thinks he can vent his desires secretly beyond the knowledge of his Wife, but this is a fool’s errand: sooner or later, the Wife, having lived with him under the terminal assumption of his normalcy, discovers the truth. His secrets are often not well understood or accepted especially when found out this way. In fact, the truth of his entire person may very well come under question, and She’s justified in that, if he’s conspired to hide something so important to him from Her knowledge. 

But this is often how it goes. Often, autogynephiles are stereotyped. Most think they are all the same: that they are perverts, predators, inverted misogynists, or just generally unwell—but this is far from the truth. Some do project a sort of inner misogyny as sometimes seen in the FemDom world. But many have a genuine love for Women and honor them. And so it’s not so smart to paint all men who enjoy seeing themselves as Women as negative: as with most things in life, there is a variety of different types, with different motives and dispositions. 

Having been served by such men before, I’ve decided to open My arms to one more again. I’m looking for a male who eroticizes femininity as a part of who he is, though he is not defined by this fetish. He must have a deep love and respect for Women and wishes to enter into a Female-led relationship: with one Woman, long-term. But I’m not looking simply for a fetishist. I want to make that crystal clear. I’m not the type of Woman who offers “sessions” by the hour, nor do I ever open My door to excessive prurience. I’m not into debauchery and cuckholding/swingers type of entertainment. I’m looking for a man who will adore Me and who wants a real relationship with a Woman. He needs to be healthy of mind and body, not weighed down with narcissism. Autogynephiles can be very self-absorbed; you must be different. You must understand what mature love is and how it differs from needy love.

In short, I want a full, broadband human being, not one who sees Me as some sort of one-dimensional image before which he unloads his fetishes. Further, he is at peace with himself, not taxed by “dysphoria” or delusional notions that he is a woman. His penchant to reflect Feminine forms within himself neither invalidates nor encroaches upon his respect for Women. 

Compatibility is important too— just as it is in all other types of relationships. He understands that relationships are forged in chemistry. Mutual priorities and similar likings alone are not enough to sustain a relationship, though. Centering the relationship around the man’s fetish also isn’t what I’m wanting to do. This union will be about serving Me as the true embodiment of the Feminine Divine, with the man as a worshipful adherent to Feminine joys and aesthetics. His desire to transform himself will be indulged but in service to and honor of the Female, and Myself. 

What other qualities do I seek?

1. His fetishes don’t consume him.

2. He bows before Women in gratitude, recognizing them as inspiration to what propels him internally, knowing he could never be a Female, but strives to embody the Feminine in his worship, all the same. 

3. He understands and accepts that fundamentally he’s still male and won’t allow the lines to blur. 

4. He is older. Younger men don’t have the wisdom I seek: they are still evolving. It takes time for males to come to terms with these drives and to know how to properly manifest them.

5. He knows that being exposed and feeling vulnerable in the right hands is a difficult gift to find. He cherishes it. 

6. He’ll value a relationship with the right Woman, and so he will be grateful and attentive toward making it work.

7. He enjoys traveling the world, and his career permits him to travel at least twice a year.

What I’m NOT looking for:

1. Career fetishists and casual BDSM types. I have nothing against BDSM but it attracts a fair sum of prurient hedonists more in love with acts than the essence of a deep, meaningful relationships. 

2. Anyone overly sexual and preoccupied with their fantasies to the exclusion of deeper sincerity. 

3. Cuckholds who are simply looking for bisexual hijinks. Again, strict focus on fetishes is not what I’m after. My dominance is real but it’s organic and is expressed how I desire. I don’t and won’t follow a man’s scripts and psycho dramatics. 

If you think you have all the qualities I seek, I welcome your introductory message. Be prepared for a lengthy vet. Live between the coasts of New Jersey and New Hampshire. Please be between the ages of 38-58. 

You may call Me on Niteflirt or write Me on Fetlife, if you wish — starting July 1, 2018. I may add an email to this blog to use as well.

Thank you!

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Below are links to help males (and the Women who love them) who may want to better understand Autogynephilia.

A History of Autogynephilia

Autogynephilia and the Typology of Male-to-Female Transsexualism: Concepts and Controversies

What Autogynephilia is, and what is it not; a brief note

Pornography and Autogynephilia in the narratives of adult transgender males

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