Mail Bag: Real Vs. Fake Mistresses & Alpha Females

July 23rd, 2012

Dear Saharah:
I’m trying to find a Mistress to serve but I want something more than an internet experience or professional experience. 

There seems to be so many fakes online today pretending to be Mistresses. How can a sincere submissive man tell the difference?


Hi Dustin:
That’s a simple but loaded question. The truth of the matter is it’s extremely difficult to decipher what’s “fake” vs. what’s not right for you.

In that sense, it’s often more a question of compatibility than anything else, rather than one Woman or another being disingenuous or not. For instance, a Woman may still be a Mistress but not a Female Supremacist.

Is She necessarily fake by default? Perhaps She’s not exactly what a man looking for a certain lifestyle would want,  but She isn’t false by that fact.

That said, there are plenty of fakers and takers online, without a doubt. In fact, the Internet is teaming with charlatans and sundry “characters” that range from college Women looking to make some tuition money to vicarious man-things pretending to be Women—the latter particularly alarming, when they are well practiced in their craft.

As D/s becomes more mainstreamish, the count of these mirages will only continue rising.

Taking this into consideration, I feel for those men who really are searching for a meaningful relationship with their hallowed Alphas: the amount of work it takes to find them, much less get in touch with them and develop a sincere connection is a near impossible task. I do have some suggestions, however, that should make the effort a little easier:

1. A picture speaks a thousand words, as they say. But a thousand words aren’t enough online. I would suggest go for five thousand, in the very least. A Woman representing Herself online is most likely going to enjoy displaying Her appearance. Males are driven by the visual. We Females learn this at a very early age in life.

What Femme Fatale would be so obtuse as to speak of Her existence as an overtly dominant Female but not display a single photo of Herself or relegate Her representation to only one image?

Real Women will have many photos to peruse. Keep in mind that the images should look consistent. Watch for changes in body type with faceless pictures and note the composure: do the images look like they were ripped from a porn site or a stock photography archive?

Keep in mind that Her images should feel “organic,” if that makes sense—they should jive in relation to Her professed character and the “tone” should match.
2. How long has this Woman been around? Did She just suddenly appear out of nowhere or is She well known?

Most serious Mistresses and Alpha Females representing themselves online have a reputation that precedes them; they have stood the test of time as Women who are serious about dominating the male of the species.

They aren’t simply college students looking to make some quick money off to the side with a leather and lace here today/gone tomorrow gig, or males pretending to be Mistresses.

3. What are Her intellectual underpinnings for living the life She purports to live? What motives and pleasures does She reveal when speaking of Her interest in dominating men?

Does it seem reliable, or is it more a commercial front designed to capitalize on male submissive interests? Is She merely a service-oriented Domina? Don’t get Me wrong: there’s nothing bad about being a “pro,” but it stands to reason that business interest woven so closely with the whip tends to create a “front” that could be merely a capitalistic illusion.

f you were to take away the profit motive, would She still have impetus to dominate males and use them to serve Her daily needs and desires? Without quick coin, is there any real passion to subjugate, exploit, and enslave? Is She just singing for Her supper or is She the real deal?  If you are looking for a more meaningful relationship with an Alpha Female, the answers to these questions matter.

4. Does She keep slaves off-line, or does Her world seem relegated strictly to the Internet? The Internet is a wonderful tool—but it can also be a terrible curse for some innocent minds strongly driven in their desires. Some “Mistresses” and men posing as Mistresses will string you along for months on end without ever planning to meet you.

While every Mistress has the right to set the pace, if you find your servitude going through a year or more of online limbo with no real end in site, you’ll need to confront some difficult questions.

Have you spoken with Her on the phone? Does She have an expressed interest in retaining you as a slave? Does She plan on bringing that interest to the real world anytime soon?

It can be difficult, asking these questions, as a slave’s duties to a Mistress are traditionally more about Her than him. That said, you, as a submissive male and potential slave, have one inalienable right that even I will nod to and that is to be fulfilled in joining your desires to serve with the complete reality of servitude, not a virtuoso existence to a possible phantom.

5. Get real with yourself. Many men, while pointing the finger, fail to realize how synthetic and unsavory their own motives are for finding a Mistress. I have a belief that honest hearts eventually find each other in other people.

If your queries and searches constantly lead you astray, it may be time to check your own motives and assumptions where serving a Mistress is concerned.

Are you walking the path in purity and with a fully realized intent? The problem may not be outside of you; the problem could be inside of you, and many experienced Mistresses or otherwise dominant Women are savvy detecting those defects in the inadequate psyches attempting to “serve” them.

Before finding a dominant Woman to serve, do your own homework, so to speak: know that you are sure about your path and be realistic about it. Doing so will give you an edge in being taken seriously.

I’m aware much of what I’ve said above isn’t exactly rocket science, but it’s amazing how many people fall prey to not observing these simple rules in the online environment.

Desire can be tricky thing: it can gently lead us into dark tunnels we’d never go bereft of its influence, but as powerful and as beguiling as “the vision” may be, would-be slaves must retain a sense of self-preservation in the beginning and exercise just prudence with a shot of plain old common sense.

And remember, as with conventional relationships, successful relationships begin with chemistry.  I wish you luck in your search, Dustin. 🙂