Dear Saharah:
I am a submissive male who wishes to serve a dominant Female. The most ideal Woman would be one who believes in Female Supremacy. I haven’t had a lot of luck attracting the interest of a Mistress. I’ve been on collarme.com, fetlife.com, bondage.com, facebook.com and so on and so forth for years. I’ve tried contacting the Women who have interested me, but they seldom write back. When they do I hardly ever get past the first round. What could I be doing wrong? I would be lying to say I haven’t wanted to serve you. In fact, I wrote to you two months ago and never got a reply. Do you have any advice for me (and others) who are looking to be owned by a Woman like Yourself? Are there just too many indians and not enough Goddesses to go around?
Sincerely,
Marko
Hi Marko,
I definitely understand the frustration you’re feeling. I hear this from many men. One thing to remember about the so-called supply and demand thing is this: though it may seem that there are many submissive men compared to dominant Women, in reality, both types are more scarce than we are led to believe. This means both dominant Women and submissive men who make this part of their “lifestyle” and life philosophy are few and far between. More than half the so-called “dominas” one sees on the web are little more than fanciful illusions, custom-built around the industry of male fetish. An even greater number of so-called “submissive men” are little more than bottoms, sensation tourists and johns jonesing to feed their fetishes.
That said, I would invite you to reflect upon how daunting it is for a Woman looking for the real deal to sift through the mountains of queries they get on a daily basis just to find a single gem. There is so much “average joe” out there that it gets a little disheartening, and before long, inboxes are abandoned in favor of other more worthy pursuits (like filing nails or playing Jenga). But really, in all seriousness, we dominant Females have heard it all before, and our eyes glaze over with the cliché opening lines and flowery prose we receive from would-be servants. The odds are already quite stacked against you in trying to stand out among the masses, but you’ll have to try your best.
Before you start down that path again, however, reflect inward and ask yourself this one fundamental question: are you really—truly—submissive? That may seem like an obvious question to ask, but it’s 90% of the reason why men claiming to be so never get off the ground in the first place. In submission there is reverence and enthusiasm to please, to go the extra mile, to think beyond oneself and consider what will please the object of their admiration / affection. A man who cannot or will not do this is fairly easy to spot, based upon his actions or lack thereof. I suppose it can be faked for a little while, but the illusion can never be maintained. You either have it in you to serve or you do not.
As for the remaining 10%, it all comes down to what you as a submissive man have to offer, and how you package up what you have to offer. Is your life in order? Are you employed? Are you in shape? Are you thoughtful? Imaginative? Generous? Respectful? Tasteful? Positive? Considerate? And more importantly, HUMBLE? Do you have what it takes to go the extra mile in making a concerted effort to be seen? Do you have integrity and honor? Hopefully you can answer all these questions with a “yes”. If so, it’s only a matter of time before you attract the passing attention of an alpha Female, and when you get that chance, don’t blow it by being stingy, lazy or so negative that you are self-defeating. Make yourself a source of pleasure for Her. Give without conditions. Become resourceful for Her and put your energies into Her betterment and gain. Do all this, but don’t do it at all if it will be half-hearted. She’s likely smart enough to know the difference. To put it simply, think of your submission in terms of the familiar computer science phrase, garbage in, garbage out. You get out of the experience what you put into it.
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i agree, one needs to be realistic: for an Alpha Female a masochist can be fun, but also a lot of annoyance. Because finally even we submissive want to fulfill our dreams, albeit submissive dreams. And we can be very selfish in demanding that. i think we have to prove whether we are to be trusted or not, by giving ourselves, being thoughtful and not just slave-like in order to get a kick. we have to educate and develop our inferiority step by step: a great present is possibly better than offering our body for a whipping; a foot massage might be a more desirable servitude than a night in a cage; cooking and cleaning up the house for a busy Woman can be more than letting Her trample you. i think we have to learn that HER wishes are more important than our dreams. As for any relationship, time will say how sincere one was.
hope this helps
kn